Made in Chelsea Season Finale Review - What would David do?

This week's episode of E4's Made in Chelsea was full of drama, cliches and high-class awkwardness - some of it was scripted, some of it was so awful it couldn't possibly be. The most important thing though is that however horrendous MIC manages to be, it is so completely brilliant that we just can't stop ourselves from coming back for more. The fact that this week was the season finale has made Mondays just get a whole lot less exciting. Enough of that though, what happened tonight?

Ollie/Binky/Cheska/Gabriella - For me the OBCG drama was the highlight of Made in Chelsea tonight. Anyone else thinking Ollie should get his own show in which he just goes on dates and has Binky and Cheska on the phone throughout? We'll skim over the fact that Ollie's date (whose name I didn't manage to catch at any point, so we'll call him ManCandy) didn't seem to notice Ollie's phone at any point and fast forward to my favourite Ollie moments from this episode. "How was your wee?" just lost out to Francis' "What would David do?" (WWDD?) as Quotation of the Week. The comment about Gabriella's new boyf (Where did he come from? Do we care?) being an "odd looking bloke" was also brilliant, however it did underline what has been blatantly obvious all season - that Ollie was never really any more into Gabriella than he is Cheska and Binky. For the record, Cheska and Binky will henceforth be known as Beska (or Chinky?), as they are unable to stand up without leaning on each other I've decided that they no longer deserve to be identified as separate people. In brief, Ollie went on an insanely awkward and hilarious date with ManCandy. ManCandy then inexplicably wanted to see Ollie again and they went to the polo together, causing an all-time classic confused/evil stare from Gabriella. Also, did anyone else actually scream out loud with fright when Gabriella sat up at the camera?

Amber/Rosie/Mark-Francis/Fredrik/Francis/Agne - The only actual development on this front was Francis asking Agne out (she said yes, I don't know why either). In general this group served only as filler in this episode; however Francis and his Life Coach were highly entertaining, as were Mark-Francis and Amber. As if we didn't all already find Amber annoying enough, she decided to fuel our hatred by wearing sunglasses indoors. I felt a bit let down by Rosie and Francis "making friends" again (although their "friendship" appeared to be pretty set-up to begin with). The only thing that Rosie has done throughout this entire season that I found even mildly entertaining was last week when she told Francis that he looked like he had a d*ck on his head. Reconciliation is dull.

Spencer/Caggie/Hugo/Millie - It's probably best to ignore the fact that all of the Spaggie drama tonight was clearly set-up from start to finish - yes, E4, we have noticed the "some scenes have been constructed for your entertainment" footnote... Caggie decides she's moving to New York, which is ridiculous for several reasons. Firstly, through my extensive Wikipediaing I have come to the conclusion that she isn't American. I don't care how rich you are, Brits can't just move to New York on a whim with no job and (I'm assuming) no visa. Also, OVERREACTION ALERT. Yes, Spencer was a tw*t last week - but Caggie is generally presented as the most sane "personality" on the show and we're really expected to believe that she's emotionally unstable enough to decide that moving across the Atlantic Ocean is a good way to deal with your not-even-actual-boyfriend acting like an idiot, particularly when its blatantly obvious that he's an idiot anyway and if she ever wants to be with him that's just something she'll have to get over? Finally, she took and overnight bag with her. Clearly the whole moving thing was a set-up, but next time Caggie needs to show some commitment and at least have some boxes lying around. Caggie really cemented her decline into idiocy with the statement "It just makes sense" - no, it doesn't. It really doesn't. There was a very bizarre dinner party scene with Hugo, Millie, Spencer and Spencer's date (who as she is in both appearance and personality pretty much a clone of the much-missed Funda, will be known as Funda 2.0). The whole thing was essentially a build-up to the airport chase scene at the end, although I do have to congratulate Millie on not telling Spencer or Hugo that Caggie was leaving. Speaking of the airport chase scene, I found the fact that Spencer didn't arrive on time (totally unrealistic - don't you have to check-in two hours before you board?) very surprising and actually quite a good way to prepare us for next season. Who else is hoping Caggie returns from New York with an utterly gorgeous and lovely American who ignites insane jealousy and further absurd behaviour from Spencer?

All in all, a pretty good season finale with plenty of entertaining moments and a reasonable amount of emotion from Spencer and Caggie that made the whole set-up just a tad less ludicrous.

Final thoughts:

- Although there was some stiff competition this week, the Best Awkward Silence Award goes to Francis asking out Agne at the polo (Fragne?)
- Is Amber unaware of the fact that no-one cares whether or not she can speak Mandarin? It's not going to stop her from being exceptionally irritating
- If anyone actually participated in the Made in Chelsea Drinking Game - http://en-gb.facebook.com/pages/Made-In-Chelsea-Drinking-Game/121983517887592 - they would die from alcohol poisoning before the first advert break
- Anyone else notice Funda 2.0's very speedy disappearance when Caggie arrived?
- Caggie turned up to the polo dressed like my mum. Not that my mum doesn't wear nice clothes...but she's 50 - Caggie's not.
- Benjamin Francis Leftwich playing on MIC - :) :) :)

Made in Chelsea will return to E4 for a second season later this year.

Our First Review: Cher Lloyd's Swagger Jagger

Cher Lloyd made a huge impact on The X Factor with her first performance of Turn My Swag On. However, as the series progressed, her performances deteriorated, and the deterioration rapidly continues now, with the release of her debut single: Swagger Jagger


The song opens with the chorus, which makes Rebecca Black's Friday sound like it's the best song you've ever heard. Along with the childish, nursery-rhyme-sounding lyrics, Cher attempts to rap the verses. However, instead of sounding like the next Nicki Minaj, you can't help but feel Cher is simply shouting a series of statements at you, which really lose their effect when you notice her Somerset farmers' accent.

The title Swagger Jagger does not fit the song whatsoever, as Cher transforms into the bland, uninteresting pop star in her first offering, instead of the unique rapper she could have been. Cher tries to fit the hip hop genre with lyrics such as "get your game on," but when sung in Cher's babyish manner, it seems as if she is a 12 year old Belieber with a humiliating obsession with 'swag.'

Thanks to Swagger Jagger, the UK has finally found its answer to Friday. And in the meantime, we have the video to look forward to (or dread..) next week. Swagger Jagger is released in July, with Cher's debut album following in September.

- Tom